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Holy Cow

#1 User is offline   Roderick 

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Posted 14 March 2013 - 09:38 PM

Hillary's Driver

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an old cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, his face smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you," asked Hillary?

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters hugged & kissed me all over"!

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast Madam I couldn't stop them.
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Self-defence is not only a Right, it is an Obligation.
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#2 User is offline   scotto 

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 02:03 PM

Almost funny, Rodders.
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#3 User is offline   icey 

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 02:38 PM

View Postscotto, on 16 March 2013 - 02:03 PM, said:

Almost funny, Rodders.


Almost funny? Hey, vary it with some Australian content and the nation would be rolling on the floor with laughter.

Any suggestions anybody?
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#4 User is offline   Roderick 

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Posted 03 May 2013 - 11:20 AM

Approximately 2000 dead crows were found near Canberre, ACT and there was concern that they may have died from avian flu.

State officials contacted the Commonwealth with the suggestion that this was more than a State matter and that some funding would not only be appropriate but helpful; Dept.of the Inferior agreed, formed a State-Federal Committee and had a Consultant bird pathologist examine the remains of all the crows; he confirmed the problem was definitely not avian flu, to everyone's relief.

However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and 2% were killed by impact with cars.

The Committee then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.

The ornith. behaviorist determined the cause in short order.

When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. His conclusion was that all the lookout crows could say "cah," but none could say "truck".
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